Saturday, May 22, 2010

The Sorry Tale Of An Internet Junkie

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What can I say? I’m an internet junkie and this is my tale.

Two and half weeks ago, my mother had her hip replaced. She is 76 and she is lucky to have family. We brought her home instead of putting her in a rehab facility. Since I can write anywhere, I took on the job of caring for her 15 hours out of the day. Dad is there at night and other family members have come in few nights and handled dinner, giving me a break (went home and made dinner for DH and did laundry). Insert SMILEY FACE here.

Okay. First morning, with laptop in bag, I’m up very early and headed off to parents home. After taking care of mom, (you know potty, washing, breakfast) she is again ready for a nap. I set up my laptop in dining room and prepared to write. But before I did, I decided to check my e-mail. I’d sent requested material to an agent the night before and God knows said agent might be trying to contact me, right? It’s already been ten hours seventeen minutes and fifty-four seconds.

ROLLING EYES. Come on. Tell the truth. You’ve done it.

Anyway, I hit email icon and spooling occurred, occurred, occurred and then diagnose icon jumped on the screen. WHAT THE HELL! I check my laptop. (we’re rural area) It was picking up a signal from the school across the street, but it was a secure network. The principal didn’t give me the password when I graduated from there eons ago. What to do? Mom’s sleeping. Dad is at work, (Yes at 76, he still works the family business) so I searched his home desk (he wanted me to look at a few things for him anyway) and I found the cable bill. They had discontinued internet service. OMG, there was no connection.

Okay, I admit. My heart did that skippy thing and my mind scattered for about .98765 of a second before I thought okay, no connection could be a good thing. I’ll get more writing done instead of surfing. Determined to do just that, I marched to the dining room and sat my butt in chair and put my hands to the keyboard, and it worked, I wrote several pages before mom called.

But as the days passed by, I raced home at night to see hubby, skipped the growing mound of laundry and hit sent-received button. Watching the emails pop up on the screen, bliss coated my tongue and fed through my soul. I was getting mail. I could answer mail. I could read blogs. I could research. The world was mine.

Yesterday, I couldn’t stand it any longer. Going without checking on my blog or sister blogs or email or FACEBOOK was killing me. It was Friday. Everyone surfs on Friday, right? I grabbed my laptop and crept into the backyard. There had to be a connection somewhere. There. I picked up on a weak signal from neighbor’s house, but I wasn’t sure. It was hard to see my screen in the bright sunlight. So tip-toed across the driveway, rounded the corner of their house and there on the back porch I found the internet.

I hit send-receive. Oh, there was mail. I could see it. I actually jumped up and down.

I knew I didn’t have time to do all I wanted to do. I had to get back to mom, who while watching HGTV napped on a chair and what if the neighbor’s saw me. Yes, I’ve know them all my life and I knew if I asked, they probably wouldn’t care if I used their service but there was something exciting hugging that corner of the porch, watching my screen fill with email and taking a peek at a blog that was so delicious.
It was so exciting that I stole onto the porch again later in the afternoon. This time however, mom was my lookout.

I’m an Internet Junkie and I will involve the innocent to help me in my endeavors to connect.

29 comments:

  1. I know how you feel... The idea of going on a vacation where I might not have a connection makes me shudder. Thank heavens the husband has also become a net junkie so maybe I won't be put through that hell again. Seriously.

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  2. Hee hee hee! The withdrawal symptoms are killer, aren't they? I, too, have pirated a signal for a fix once or twice. Do they have rehab for this kind of thing?

    Glad to hear your mom is doing well.

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  3. We are kindred spirits, Autumn. Definitely an internet Junkie here.

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  4. I went to a quilt retreat with no Internet. I'd call my husband and have him check it. I visited my aunt nearby and checked my email. When did this happen?

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  5. Yeah, me too. When did this happen? I've never been addicted to anything before. Except books. And love. And gummi bears. But internet?

    They will pry my iphone from my cold dead hands!

    Liz Talley

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  6. It cracks me up that your mom was acting as lookout, helping her daughter get her fix!

    I can totally identify. Some days I have to turn off my wireless so I can focus. It's hard when your primary work tool is also such an excellent source of distraction.

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  7. LMAO!!! I love the tiptoeing across the driveway!!!

    I love you. You make me giggle.

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  8. You fiend you! Welcome to my world!
    Until I see that mail coming in my day is futile.
    We've gone to McDonalds to use their internet when we were out of town!

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  9. OMG. At lunch, I read my post to my mom, from word of course, and she freakin' wanted me to cross the driveway again, right then, to see if anyone reading it. I wont' though. The neighbor lady had wash on the line so I know they're are definitely around.

    Now while I'm at the house, she'll be edging me on. And she wonders where I get it from. LOL.

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  10. Oh, Anonymous, you are so lucky. You found the light or your DH did. My hubby wouldn't touch a computer. No way.

    I had to explain to him the internet was to me as checking the sports scores on ESPn was to him. Then he got it.


    ***
    Yes. I knew I wasn't alone in my addition. If we get caught, do you think we can share a cell, Gwyn? Thanks for your prayers.

    ***

    I know we are, Beth. I bought a Bee's Balm this week for my garden.

    ****

    I know what you mean, Kelly. I used to sahre internet with four kids, dial-up yet. Now it's like a bag of popcorn to me. It's mine. Don't touch it. I need it. We could start a new organization. IJAA Internet Junkie Anonymous Assco.

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  11. My addictions, beside books and any movie with Richard Gere or Sean Connery in it, have always been Diet Coke, chocolate (a girl has to have balance in her life) and popcorn. This blindside me too.

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  12. My mom cracks me up too, Sharon. She is my best freind who shares my addiction to Diet Coke and chocolate.

    ***
    Do I really, Darynda? LOL. I chuckle at your posts too.

    ****

    I'm no fiend, Mary sweetie. I might be sneaky sometimes but a fiend. No. no. I know I love mail.

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  13. Oh please share your tale of woe, Leigh. Where have you crossed the line?

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  14. The first step is admitting you have a problem....ROTFLOL....too funny Autumn. I know EXACTLY what you mean. Traveling 13 hours in the van on a loooong trip...by the time we got to the hotel, I felt like...just one hit...just one hit...LOL

    Sonya

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  15. OMGolly I can just see you doing this! Too funny!

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  16. Yeah, you got it, Sonya. Just one hit. You prayer for it don't you. SHAKING HEAD I know.


    ***
    Oh, Rita, I could see you doing it too. Next conference we're together, maybe we should throw on trench coats,covering our laptops and sneaky around the area scouting for signals.

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  17. Every once in a while mine would go out at home (I had a crappy cable connection for a while but thankfully no more), and anyway, I have a certain neighbor who apparently has no issues with leaving their wifi unsecured. If I sat in the correct location in my house (and yeah, maybe it's happened that I needed to sit in the garage once or twice), I was as happy as could be :)

    It's total madness to expect us to be without internet...EVER!!!!

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  18. LOL. I wonder, Kim, does your neighbor's wonder why you sit in front of the garage with laptop?

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  19. Funny Di, I just got an iPhone so I can check emails from work which I couldn't do before. And also when I travel. What DID we do years ago? LOL

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  20. AUTUMN--send this in to a magazine! You can get money for it! It's so well-written and cute. It made me laugh--and one day I'll have to admit I'm one, too. From San Antonio south to the Mexico border, lies hundreds of miles with little bitty towns inbetween. In the middle of all that ranchland is a Texas roadside rest stop, very cool, manicured, restrooms--and wireless internet service!!!I've always seen travelers with their laptops sitting at a picnic table or in their car. It's a lifeline for internet junkies. Celia

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  21. Thanks for stopping by, KK. What did we do? We didn't know we'd have this addition later in life. Oh if only we had known.

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  22. Oh, Celia, you made my Sunday morning. (I'm off from mom sitting today, but I'll stop in anyway) Do you really think so? But then my mom's neighbor's would know. DO you think there are any laws broken. Our township cop would have a field day having a real bust. Yikes! I can see the headlines. 76 year old woman masterminds internet theft. Daughter jailed with her. BTW daughter has book released in June.

    Oh, what great promo. LOL.

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  23. A few years ago we had giant ice storms that killed the power for two weeks. Sure, I missed the heat and the warm food, but living without email, internet shopping, and my yahoo loops was what made me feel cut off from civilization.

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  24. Oh, I went through that too a few years ago too. Without power for 7 days. We were still on dial-up then and no laptop. Computer didn't work at all. (INSERT A SAD FACE, pouting lower lip) Read and did puzzles between bringing in buckets after buckets of snow to melt on the woodstove. I was not going to use outside potty.

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  25. I took an iPod and a Netbook on a 3+ week vacation in Eastern Europe--got back three days ago. Last year the hotel had Internet; this year it didn't. I found three Internet cafes--all closed. NEVER found a working connection even thouigh I skulked around ancient cities with iPod in hand nearly every day. I got shakier as the days wore on. People died while I was disconnected and I didn't know. Completely maddening. I've been on the computer reading email since I returned. Clearly I need help. When do you start your new IJAA group? Anne W.

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  26. I'm so sorry about your losses, Anne. (((HUGS))) Prayers for comfort coming your way.

    Oh, that must have been maddening. You didn't rip the last shop's closed sign in half did you?

    I guess I really do need to think about starting the group, huh?

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  27. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I almost climbed a tree last summer while were camping in search of a better signal. Do you realize how hard it is to climb a tree with a laptop in one hand?

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  28. OMG, Maeve, that is a picture. Too funny.

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