What's Missing?

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“It was a magical moment. One a girl dreams about all her life. You know?” Marci sipped a bit of her mocha cappuccino, letting the chocolate and caffeine coat her taste buds and sooth her befuddled ego. The saucer chattered against her oversized mug as they met. She looped a strand of her fizzy red hair behind her ear and peeked between her dark lashes at Liz for the first time since starting her tale.

Her friend’s glossy lips were parted and a huge, silent ‘OH, MY’ hung in the air beyond them.

Marci inhaled the aromas of her favorite coffee and bagel shop while her spine became a spine. In her lap, her fingers gave a paper napkin one last twist. “Will you stop staring at me like that? And tell me was I crazy for doing what I did?”

“Crazy is a good word to describe it. Insane would be better.” Liz placed her half-eaten bagel on her plate and leaned forward, scanning the couple at the next table before she said in a hushed tone, “A sane woman doesn’t drop her clothes, or her towel, just because a guy looks at her.”

“A handsome guy.”

“Okay. A handsome guy.”

“A very handsome guy.”

“Marci!” Liz’s hand flew to her chest. “I don’t’ care if he was Tom Cruise or—”

“He’s more like Zac Efron.” She broke off a piece chocolate chip cookie and popped it into her mouth, fighting the smile wanting to break out.

Liz slapped her head. “I don’t care if this Joel is every great looking guy rolled up into one yummy bar.”

“He’s beyond a good looking guy. He’s more like a god. And he picked up the towel.”

Blush warmed her cheeks while she remembered how Joel’s gaze had traveled down her body. He wasn’t the less bit turned off by her plus size. In fact, she thought she’d seen appreciation in his Caribbean aqua eyes. And she had been thinking breast reduction.

“Look at you. You’re all starry eyed.”

“Like I said. It’s was a magical moment.”

“But nothing happened, right?”

Something happened alright, but she wasn’t about to share what with Liz. Not yet.

**
Are you hooked? I hope so. I love doing writing exercises, so this morning I thought I’d write an opening for a book (first draft mind you) and put it out there for you to tell me what is missing?

The first five pages are the most important in drawing a reader into your story. That is not saying the rest of the book can be crap. If you want a following the entire book has to be great, but to get the reader to pay out their hard-earned dollars and take your book home, the first pages need to be great.

So, tell me. What have I not written into the story, so far? I’m sure you’re all going to take note of it right away. I notice this when authors leave this tidbit out. What is it?


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