BORING

REALLY BAD opening line: Sara Amos gripped the steering wheel tighter. She was nervous because she was starting a new job and had already pissed her new boss off.

Pretty bad opening, uh? What’s missing?

It's bare bones. There's not a sense used, nothing to grab the reader and bring the story to life.

We learn about our world through our five senses. Knowing this, it would make sense that we learn about our character’s world through their senses. Writing vivid, sensory details will engage your readers. Great writing integrates all the senses in a way that they blend and harmonious with the rest of the prose. So how do you that?

First we need to reach into ourselves and embrace our senses. Grab a pen and pad. Go sit outside on this autumn day and immediately close your eyes. The sense of sight is the easiest of all to write, using only it is lazy.

Now without opening your eyes concrete on your four other senses, one at a time. Again, without opening you eyes, scribble on you pad. Reach deep. Don’t just write the first element you recognize.

What do you hear? If you hear a sound you don’t recognize, what does it remind you of? Is it sharp, clanky or soft sound? Think out of the box.

What do you feel/touch? Not just through your fingers tips. Does the ground under feet feel spongy because of the downpour last night? Is there a bite to the breezy or does the sunshine kiss your cheek.

Smack your lips together. Stick your tongue out. What do you taste? Be Rachael Ray of sensory words.

What do you smell? Smell is the most powerful of senses to bring back memories. You don’t want to forget it. If you have a memory write it down.

Finally, open your eyes. Now what do you see? Really look at the world surrounding you. Look for the details. Details that will make your reader say, “Hmmm..I never looked at the old house down the street that way. It reminds me of a tired old boot, sort of sagging. It’s chimney leaning like the tongue away from the boot.”

Okay, we’ve got our senses sharp. Now let’s put them to the page.
Take the bare bone paragraph above and make it your own. Please post it in your comments and let’s learn from each other. Come on! One little paragraph. There is no right or wrong.

I will guarantee once you try this exercise, you will grab your current wip and start editing.

Let’s have fun.

Here's my attempt this morning:

Wet leather. She was going to smell like a freakin’ cow if she didn’t get a grip on her nerves. Sara Amos shook a mint from a tin, trapped the pill between her gloss covered lips and dropped the package into the cup holder with a ping. Six months she knocked— No, banged on the ivory doors of the Chase law offices before she had been granted entrance. Now that she was in, she planned on staying a long time. She pushed the button on the dash. Her relaxation CD whirled in the player for a second before fuzzy strands fill the car. Eyeing the passenger mirror held on by duck tape, Sara stretched her fingers one-at-a-time in her skin-tight suede gloves and curled them into the grooves of the steering wheel. Her new boss would just have to get over the fact she dumped him years ago.

***
Join me Friday October 15 as I welcome Paranormal/erotica author Kathy Kulig.

What's Missing?

Cursor… Cursor… Cursor…

“It was a magical moment. One a girl dreams about all her life. You know?” Marci sipped a bit of her mocha cappuccino, letting the chocolate and caffeine coat her taste buds and sooth her befuddled ego. The saucer chattered against her oversized mug as they met. She looped a strand of her fizzy red hair behind her ear and peeked between her dark lashes at Liz for the first time since starting her tale.

Her friend’s glossy lips were parted and a huge, silent ‘OH, MY’ hung in the air beyond them.

Marci inhaled the aromas of her favorite coffee and bagel shop while her spine became a spine. In her lap, her fingers gave a paper napkin one last twist. “Will you stop staring at me like that? And tell me was I crazy for doing what I did?”

“Crazy is a good word to describe it. Insane would be better.” Liz placed her half-eaten bagel on her plate and leaned forward, scanning the couple at the next table before she said in a hushed tone, “A sane woman doesn’t drop her clothes, or her towel, just because a guy looks at her.”

“A handsome guy.”

“Okay. A handsome guy.”

“A very handsome guy.”

“Marci!” Liz’s hand flew to her chest. “I don’t’ care if he was Tom Cruise or—”

“He’s more like Zac Efron.” She broke off a piece chocolate chip cookie and popped it into her mouth, fighting the smile wanting to break out.

Liz slapped her head. “I don’t care if this Joel is every great looking guy rolled up into one yummy bar.”

“He’s beyond a good looking guy. He’s more like a god. And he picked up the towel.”

Blush warmed her cheeks while she remembered how Joel’s gaze had traveled down her body. He wasn’t the less bit turned off by her plus size. In fact, she thought she’d seen appreciation in his Caribbean aqua eyes. And she had been thinking breast reduction.

“Look at you. You’re all starry eyed.”

“Like I said. It’s was a magical moment.”

“But nothing happened, right?”

Something happened alright, but she wasn’t about to share what with Liz. Not yet.

**
Are you hooked? I hope so. I love doing writing exercises, so this morning I thought I’d write an opening for a book (first draft mind you) and put it out there for you to tell me what is missing?

The first five pages are the most important in drawing a reader into your story. That is not saying the rest of the book can be crap. If you want a following the entire book has to be great, but to get the reader to pay out their hard-earned dollars and take your book home, the first pages need to be great.

So, tell me. What have I not written into the story, so far? I’m sure you’re all going to take note of it right away. I notice this when authors leave this tidbit out. What is it?


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